Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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