He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
