Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
