Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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