I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I supernannyed him into submission
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