You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I need to calm my uterus...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
