So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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