capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
