I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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