bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
