you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
