After last night, I could never be a politician.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
