I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
