East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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