I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
