Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
