maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
