Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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