God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
