____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
