yo everyone went to the hospital last night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
