Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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