i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
