so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
