I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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