My friends, they love my intelligence
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
