I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
