no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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