he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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