Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
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Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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