Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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