Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
