The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
