if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
