I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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