Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
