Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
