He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
