i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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