Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
