i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
