you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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