yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
