Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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