Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
