My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
