Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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