just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Randomize
