dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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