hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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