even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
