how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
time to smoke my breakfast
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
