im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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