Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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