let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
