It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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