There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
