Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
