Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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