Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
