Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
