Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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