I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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