normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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