i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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