there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
