This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
