Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
