how can u be prego again
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
