I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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