Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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