Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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