she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
