Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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