i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All the doctor said was why
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
