his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
