I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
