So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize