I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
