one two three fourrrrnication!
She said her name was "party"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
