help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
