Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
