My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
